I thought there was no one out there who could help me find home. They couldn’t understand what I was feeling.

Well, there are people out there who understand depression. The many of us out there who have felt the ravages of depression We might not be in your particular situation. We have, however, known our own version of the deep, dark, slippery hole where you think that you will never see light again.

You might not know us. Yet, we are here. Some of us who have managed to find a tiny foot hold, a tiny spark of light.

Every so often, though, I still feel like that. That the light is fast disappearing and I find myself slipping again, back into the hole.

Fortunately, not that bone dead, feeling. Where I believed I had absolutely nothing to live for. Everything was gone. There is still a tiny pin prick of light now.

I realise now I need some help and I have found a network who are there for me.

Let me tell you a little about my story…..

There was absolutely no light. I was not in my life. I had nothing to live for. Why should I live. I had lost everything.

A tiny voice urged me to get the help I needed. It was triggered when I found I had a handful of pills in my hand. I realised I was in serious trouble.

I was proud. I didn’t want to see a psychologist, I didn’t have a problem. I could handle this myself if I wanted to.

That wasn’t working though. Then I remembered I had met a psychologist at some training I was giving and thought he might be someone who I felt I might be able to relate to. To help me find a way to solve the problem. That’s what I did for others. Why not me? There had to be steps that I needed to follow to solve the problem. Just like a computer program… Just like a escape….

So I swallowed my pride and decided to ask an “expert” what was the program I needed to implement to solve my “problem”. So I made an appointment to see him.

He made sense.

He “got” me. He really got me.

However, there is no recipe you can follow. Life is not linear. Particularly Depression is not linear.

So, after a few sessions, I was not making progress. Even I got that. He said he thought I might need some medication to help.

Nope, I thought. No way!!!

I thought about it long and hard and agreed I might need some extra help. He recommended that I see a psychiatrist. To help me get the right meds. One that would “get” me. Would understand me, my beliefs about alternative healing, and accepted there were “more things in Heaven and Earth, than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio”.


I am not crazy. Psychiatrists treat “crazy” people.

No. They do help people like you and me. My wonderful psychologist found me a wonderful psychiatrist who also “got” me. They said I should be admitted to a mental hospital to get some rest.


A mental hospital! That meant I was crazy!!!!

Slowly, they explained I wasn’t crazy. I could be in a private room. I could get the rest I so desperately needed. So I went…..

I discovered that the majority of the people who were there are just like me. Suffering from Major Depressio, Bipolar and PTSD.

That they have their stories just as I have mine.

We could be there for each other.

I discovered that the care I was getting from my psychologist and psychiatrist was really amazing. We could talk about my healing experiences, and they believed in them, too! Other medical practioners would have said I was crazy.

I was blessed.

So we have built up an amazing relationship. I know I can rely on them even in my worst circumstances. We have tried to reduce meds and we have.

I have to face it though. Unless I change my circumstances, I need my meds. Well, you probably are asking why I don’t change my circumstances? That is a whole other story….

So, get some help! Put away your pride. There are tiny flecks of light even in the darkest dark. It is not a train, rushing out of a dark tunnel, ready to flatten you further. It is the star in the sky. The first light of the day.

Hang in there! Know that we are here for you. I am here for you. No judgement. We are home. We are shoulders to cry on, only if you want. We will just sit there in your grief and loss. We won’t tell you, “I understand”. We don’t! We won’t try to fix you. We are the only one’s who can fix ourselves.

I urge you though. Reach out for help. Professional help. I can be a listening ear. I am here.

So, if you want to reach out to me, please do. I can sit with you in your loss and grief without trying to fix you.

Just, please take care….

Light and love always

Celeste 🌻

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